For there are many unruly and vain talkers and deceivers, specially they of the circumcision.
—Titus 1:10
6297 Non-Stop Talking Records
Irishman Kevin Sheenham of Limerick, Pa., in 1955 set a world record for nonstop talking—133 hours.
This record is now broken by Tim Harty of Coon Rapids, Minn., whose record in 1975 was—144 hours.
The women’s nonstop talking record belongs to Mrs. Mary E. Davis who in 1958 started talking in Buffalo, New York, and did not stop until she was in Tulsa, Okla.—a total of 110 hours, 30 minutes.
6298 Kennedy’s Record
Extremely few people can speak articulately at a sustained rate above 300 words per minute. The fastest speech recorded in public life is a 327-word-per-minute surge in a speech by John F. Kennedy in 1961 while he was US president.
6299 Average Man’s Daily Talk
It has been estimated that from the first “good morning” to the last “good night” the average man engages in approximately 30 conversations a day.
6300 Daily 25,000 Words
Astronaut Michael Collins, speaking at a banquet, quoted the estimate that the average man speaks 25,000 words a day and the average woman 30,000. Then he added: “Unfortunately, when I come home each day I’ve spoken my 25,000—and my wife hasn’t started her 30,000.”
—Sports Illustrated
6301 Daily Words In Books
According to statisticians the average person spends at least one-fifth of his or her life talking. Ordinarily, in a single day enough words are used to fill a 50-page book. In one year’s time the average person’s words would fill 132 books, each containing 400 pages.
6302 Larger-Sized Books
Or, according to one statistician, the average person spends at least 13 years of his life talking. On a normal day something like 18,000 words are likely to be used, roughly equivalent to a book of 54 pages. While in the course of a single year, his words would fill 66 books, each containing 800 pages.
THE VOICE
6303 “Fine Men!”
In England, a man faced a charge of slander by the way he said publicly: “You are a fine body of men!” The sneer in his voice indicated that he was using the words ironically.
6304 The Word “Mesopotamia”
It has been said that Mr. Whitefield could produce every emotion of the human heart by pronouncing the name, “Mesopotamia.” Dr. Lathrop related a scene which he had witnessed, without any feeling, to Mr. Whitefield. The same day, Dr. Lathrop listened to the same story, by Mr. Whitefield, and found himself bathed in tears.
—Foster
6305 Voice Characterization By Pastor
R. G. Lee, Pastor Emeritus of Bellevue Baptist Church in Memphis, Tennessee, uses voice characterization as a means of communication. His famous recorded sermon “Payday Someday” is an example of this art. He uses his voice to introduce each speaker in the Scripture. Each one has a distinctly different personality. It seems that you can almost see the people of the Bible standing before you as he preaches.
People are used to hearing the different types of voices around them. Many use the voice as an insight into the character of people that they meet. This natural tendency makes them interested in the voice characterization type of preaching.
Every minister should have some of the skills of the actor and the platform speaker. There is no reason that he cannot use these skills to make his message forceful.
—Michael Moore
6306 Deep Voice More Sincere?
Is a deep voice more sincere than a shrill one? Of course not! Only the person speaking, whether his voice is deep-toned or shrill, determines how sincere he is. Many people, however, do measure credibility by whether a person’s voice rings true or not, and the deeper the voice, the more they are apt to believe what they are told. Perhaps this fallacy originates with the misconception that the deeper a person’s voice is the closer it comes from that “source of truth”—the heart.
6307 Voiceprints Admitted In Court
According to Newsweek “for the first time a Westchester County, N. Y., court admitted as evidence fingerprints of a human voice, or voiceprints!
“In the 1966 precedent-setting case, a New Rochelle detective was charged with telephoning a bookie to warn him of a pending raid. Police had tapped the phone, and former Bell Telephone Laboratories researcher Lawrence G. Kersta testified his sound-analysis technique showed that the voice of the accused detective was the same as that on the police tape. The Voice-printer records each word as a set of wavy lines that reflects the important qualities of the speaker’s voice as determined by throat structure, or even by the speech training he received as a baby.”
6308 Talking To Typewriters
The Sperry Gyroscope Company has developed a synthetic “brain cell” that can hear and react to the human voice. Called the Sceptron, the “cell” is built of fine fibers of quartz.
The tiny, light-carrying quartz fibers vibrate in a certain pattern to sound stimuli. The “cell” can both listen and judge between different voices and similar sounds. Scientists think it will lead to the development of “photographic memories” through which men can talk to typewriters, calculators, and other machines.
6309 Pilot’s Psychological Passports
London (Reuter)—Russian experts have come up with a unique way of monitoring the physical and mental condition of pilots and astronauts—the scientific study of their voice-patterns.
Voice and speech are indices of human psychology, Novosti reported. “They can tell much about the mood of a man and his condition.”
For instance, a flier finds it difficult to speak at all during conditions of overstrain or when he speaks abruptly and laconically.
At the moment of weightlessness, the speech becomes richer and emotional. Monotonous speech is characteristic at the moment of air-sickness and limited movement.
Emotional and physical tensions cause the basic frequency of the voice to rise, as well as the intensity of speech signals, while tiredness and depression usually decrease these factors.
But each individual has his own speech and voice peculiarities.
So, during training for a flight, the specialists would have to study a cosmonaut’s speaking habits and compile what Dr. Kurashvili calls “a psychological passport.”
Armed with this data, a trained specialist can discover changes in the pilot’s condition by the pecularities in timbre, intonation, tempo of speech and other factors.
While doing this, he pays attention to the structure of sentences, the nature of pauses, the appearance of superfluous words.
6310 Our Sounds Go To Planets
Scientists tell us that the sound waves set in motion by our voices go upon an endless journey through space, and that, had we instruments delicate enough, and the power to take our stand upon some planet long years afterwards, we might find them again and recreate the words we spoke.
—Sunday School Chronicle
6311 Talking Gum-Arabic
Traveling in Egypt, George Ade went out to see the Pyramids and the Sphinx; there he met Mark Twain. Mark’s guide was an old, toothless, decrepit creature, looking half as old as the Sphinx itself. The two humorists compared notes on their travels and on Egypt. Mark complained that, although he had studied some Arabic, he couldn’t understand a word his old guide said.
“No wonder,” replied Ade. “You see he’s talking gum-Arabic.”
6312 Stutterers, Incorporated
There is now an organization for stutterers called National Stuttering Project. Started in 1976, it has already expanded into 15 chapters in California, Oregon and Washington. It seeks to weld the nation’s 2.6 million stutterers into a potent lobbying group against alleged oppression and ridicule. As their champion, they cite famous stutterers such as Moses, Demosthenes, Darwin and Maugham.
Its first notable success: Following a protest by the N.S.P., Oakland TV station KTVU stopped showing Porky Pig cartoons.
6313 To Cultivate Eloquence
Demosthenes took unbounded pains with his voice, and Cicero, who was naturally weak, made a long journey into Greece to correct his manner of speaking. With far nobler themes, let us not be less ambitious to excel. “Deprive me of everything else,” says Gregory of Nazianzen, “but leave me eloquence, and I shall never regret the voyages which I have made in order to study it.”
—Spurgeon
6314 Marbles In Mouth
Representative Brooks Hays, who has the reputation of being the Capitol’s top storyteller, insists this is the way public speakers were trained when he was young:
“The instructor emulated Demosthenes, who practiced his speeches with pebbles in his mouth. At the beginning of the course, each student was given a mouthful of marbles. Everyday the instructor reduced the number by one marble. The student became a public speaker when he had lost all his marbles.”
—Washington Post
6315 To Talk To Plants
Talk to your plants and they’ll grow better! lncredible as it may sound, it’s true. Dr. Henry M. Cathey, chief of the Ornamental Laboratory of the U. S. Department of Agriculture, has an unromantic explanation:
“When we sing or talk to plants, we exhale an amount of carbon dioxide into the air, and just as we require oxygen to live, plants require carbon dioxide.” Dr. Cathey added, however, that plant lovers should save their breath and not bother with bedtime stories or lullabies—”Plant pores close at night. It is only during the day, when light is striking the pores that they are open.”
6316 Talking To Plants Helps
West Lafayette, Indiana (AP)—It’s not uncommon to find people who talk to their house-plants on a regular basis, says professor of horticulture at Purdue University.
John A. Wott said that during a recent meeting of 35 amateur horticulturists, half the group admitted to communication with their plants. The explanation:
“People who talk to their plants are much more observant than other plant owners. Those people obviously care about their plants and they notice things when they talk to them—if the plant needs water, if there’s an insect crawling on it, or whatever. Then they take care of it and the plant thrives.”
6317 “I Demand Pandemonium”
A high-school chemistry teacher, finding the students noisy when he entered the classroom, slapped his open hand down on his desk and ordered sharply: “I demand pandemonium.” The class quieted down immediately. “It isn’t what you ask for,” the teacher commented later, “it’s how you ask it.”
—Des Moines Tribune
6318 She Simply Asked
This story has been told in various forms, but the substance of it is as follows: A Chicago newspaper wanted the picture of a certain woman. The editor sent out his best men. They offered money to the servants of the woman in question; they employed a telephone repair man to search the house while he was working; they contacted all the photographers in a wide area. Nowhere could they find or secure a picture.
At last, in desperation, they sent out a cub reporter who had practically no experience. He succeeded. He got a picture. When the editor told the youth to reveal how he had done it to the assembled staff of the newspaper, the young man blurted:
“I went to the house, rang the bell, and when a lady came to the door, I simply asked for her picture, and she gave it to me.”
6319 Epigram On Talking (Voice)
• If you have a soft voice, you don’t need a big stick.
—Chinese Proverb
• A favor is half granted when gracefully refused.
—Publilius Syrus
• Ninety percent of all the friction of daily life is caused by mere tone of voice. When a man speaks, his words convey his thoughts and his tone conveys his mood!
THE WORDS
6320 Ten Most Impressive Words
Wilfred Funk, a noted lexicographer and dictionary publisher, suggests the ten most impressive words in the English language. Note their illustrative value:
“Alone”—the bitterest word
“Mother”—the most revered word
“Death”—the most tragic
“Faith”—brings greatest comfort
“Forgotten”—saddest
“Love”—most beautiful
“Revenge”—cruelest
“Friendship”—warmest
“No”—coldest
“Tranquility”—most peaceful
—The Circle
6321 Some Most Important Words
THE SIX MOST IMPORTANT WORDS:
“I admit I made a mistake.”
THE FIVE MOST IMPORTANT WORDS:
“You did a good job.”
THE FOUR MOST IMPORTANT WORDS:
“What is your opinion?”
THE THREE MOST IMPORTANT WORDS:
“If you please.”
THE TWO MOST IMPORTANT WORDS:
“Thank you.”
THE MOST IMPORTANT WORD:
“We.”
THE LEAST IMPORTANT WORD:
“I.”
—Builder
6322 Sentence Structuring
Professor Ernest Brennecke of Columbia University is credited with inventing a sentence that can be made to have eight different meanings by placing the word “only” in all possible positions in it:
“I hit him in the eye yesterday.”
6323 Maybe “We Will”
Alben Barkley was asked at a dinner to explain the meaning of the diplomatic term “a qualified maybe.” He said the theory is best illustrated by the story of an Irish sergeant in World War I who decided to inspire the men with a pep talk. He outlined the job ahead and then said determinedly: “Boys, will yez fight or will yez run?”
“We will!” they answered to a man.
“Will what?” the sergeant barked.
“Will not!” they chorused.
“That’s the spirit, me hardies,” the sergeant beamed. “I knew yez would.”
6324 Weasel Words
According to Coronet “weasel words” are words with several possible meanings, so used that the utterer can weasel out of any commitment. Theodore Roosevelt popularized the expression over 50 years ago.
6325 Doctors, Watch Your Words
Medicine at Work, published by the Pharmaceutical Manufacturers Association, has stressed the critical importance of words spoken in surgery.
As the anesthetic is given for surgery, deadly fear may strike the patient when he hears someone say, “I’m going to shoot him now,” or, “Hook up the monitor.” “Monitor” to the drugged patient may sound like “monster.” Or a doctor may declare in disgust, “This isn’t my day!”
Dr. Paul J. Moses told a medical audience in San Francisco that “the same directions given by two different physicians could help or fail.” One doctor’s voice, Dr. Moses suggested, might make the medicine work, but the other’s might reveal doubt and the medicine would fail.
6326 Medical Codes
The medical profession possesses a code of ethics which is probably the oldest of any profession. Hammurabi, King of Babylon, promulgated in 1900 B.C. a law which regulated the practice of medicine. Around 400 B.C., Hippocrates, Father of Medicine, wrote among other things a declaration of principles, now called the Hippocratic Oath, which every physician to this day swears to before he takes up the practice of medicine.
To this body of tradition and custom, medical societies of the contemporary world have added their own special provisions to take care of their special needs and problems. It would seem that with such rules of conduct, definitions of personal and professional relations, specific examples of what is moral or immoral, relations between doctors and between them and their patients would be forever characterized by harmony, understanding and compassion.
Take the case of consultations. The code of Medical Associations goes into specific detail regarding the ritual to be observed by both the attending physician and the consultant whom he calls in. “While in the presence of the patient or of his family, the consultant should not make any remarks about the diagnosis, etiology, prognosis or treatment, or hint of any possible error of the attending physician. In a secluded place away from the patient, the physicians should discuss the case and determine the course of treatment to be followed.”
I have known many patients who have rebelled at this. When they pay somebody for an expert opinion, they want to get it directly and unequivocally. This business of physicians whispering among themselves in a corner, keeping out all outsiders, and then designating a spokesman to express their collective opinion looks too much like a conspiracy to hide somebody’s mistake or to agree upon a fee to be charged later.
6327 Word Bank
Montreal (AFP)—The University of Montreal has brought into service a special type of bank of which there were previously only two examples in the world: a word bank.
The computer is of a kind used before only by the Common Market headquarters in Luxemburg and the West German Languages Institute.
The Montreal computer’s storage banks hold 42,000 cards which represent 100,000 words in English and French. In fact, it could be programmed to contain the elements of 16 different languages.
In the next three years the Montreal “bank” is expected to build up a reserve stock of about 600,000 words.
The big advantage of this type of “bank” over an ordinary dictionary is that new words can be put into the computer’s store at any moment the programmers like. Its deposits of words are always up-to-date.
Thus the computer’s memory bank is always rich in neologisms, making it particularly useful to previously harassed translators faced with modern usage of old words or brand-new terminology in some of the more recent writings now on the international markets.
6328 Dictionary Considers New Words
The editors of Merriam-Webster dictionaries are studying which new words will be included in their new editions. Here are some of them: automobilitis, the problem caused by the increasing use of automobiles; decidophobia, the abnormal dread of making decisions; logocide, the distortion of the meaning of a word; carrotize, to entice into a deal by the promise of immediate gain; carboholic, a compulsive eater.
6329 Words That Shook The World
“What hath God wrought?” First long-distance message by Morse telegraph.
“Mr. Watson, come here, I want you.” First intelligible words sent by telephone.
“The Italian navigator has landed and the natives are friendly.” First message to the world that atomic energy was born.
“That’s one small step for man; one giant leap for mankind.” First words from Astronaut Neil Armstrong as he stepped onto the moon’s surface.
“Where art thou?” First words spoken by God to Adam and Eve after they had sinned (Genesis 3:9).
6330 Roosevelt’s “Again, Again, Again”
Once—some years ago—the New York Daily News offered to contribute five thousand dollars to an organized charity if any challenger could prove that President Roosevelt in his famous “Again and again and again” speech added to this promise the qualification “unless we are attacked.”
An editorial challenge claims of Roosevelt supporters that the President had made such a stipulation on Oct. 30, 1940.
The News quoted Mr. Roosevelt as saying: “And while I am talking to you, mothers and fathers, I give you one more assurance. I have said this before, but I shall say it again, and again and again: Your boys are not going to be sent into any foreign wars.”
—Robert G. Lee
6331 When “Caza” Sounded Like “Casar”
Couples were getting married in Puerto Rico by the wholesale, everywhere, as fast as they could get married. And all because of the difference between “caza and casar.”
They had a radio broadcast in which it was announced over the ether waves that after June all “caza” would be prohibited. Now “caza” sounds like “casar,” and thousands of Puerto Ricans understood the warning to be all “casar” would be prohibited.
Those words may sound a good deal alike, but they mean very different things. “Caza” means hunting while “casar” means marriage. So that Puerto Rican broadcast was understood to mean that after June 10 all weddings would be prohibited, and you couldn’t get married anymore in Puerto Rico.
That was why thousands of couples went rushing to the altar while there was still time. You can imagine the feelings of some when they found they had jumped hastily into matrimony, just because that radio news broadcaster got his tongue twisted and made “caza” sound like “casar.”
—Selected
6332 “Most Homely Women”
In the autumn of 1923 I arrived from Wales, my native land, with the party of David Lloyd George, famed British Prime Minister. I soon found myself the guest of the African Inland Missionary Home in Brookline, a guest who was a very lonely and homesick young man. A large group of retired lady missionaries, sensing my loneliness, arranged an afternoon tea to help dispel my gloom. At the close I was asked to say a word to the assembled ladies, and looking them squarely in the face I exclaimed, “What language is there to describe my gratitude to you, dear women, for all this kindness? What word can describe my feelings?”
Then in a burst of enthusiasm I thundered, “I know just the word, you are without doubt the most homely women I have ever met.” Brother, I learned the hard way that there are words used in the old country that are never used here, even if homely in Wales does mean wholesome, gracious, kind, loving and motherly.
—Peter R. Joshua
6333 Nice Wording
While visiting the Oregon Caves National Monument, we hoped to get some rock samples—until we heard the following introduction from a cave tour guide: “I hope you enjoy our trek through the caves. I must ask you not to destroy or take any of the rock formations. Actually, we have had very little trouble with this. I don’t know if it’s because of our visitors’ great love for nature, their desire for the preservation of the caves, or their respect for the $500 fine.”
—Selected
6334 In Other Words To King
Once a king dreamed that all his teeth had fallen out. Immediately he sent for one of his soothsayers to interpret the meaning of the vision. With a sad countenance and mournful voice, the soothsayer told the monarch that the dream meant that all his relatives would die and that he would be left alone. This angered the king and he drove the servant from his presence.
Another was called and the king told him of the dream. At this, the wise man smiled, and replied, “Rejoice, O King; the dream means that you will live yet many years. In fact you will outlive all your relatives.” This pleased the king a great deal, and in his joy he gave the interpreter a rich reward. The two men had said, in different ways, the same thing.
—Clyde N. Parker
6335 United Nations And Words
Some years before his death, former Prime Minister Lester B. Pearson of Canada remarked that the United Nations was drowning in its own rhetoric and suffocating in its own documentation.
Last year alone, the U. N. recorded its proceedings on 773,086, 990 page units. The cost of their publication was $29 million.
It was estimated that Peking’s entry into the World Body would cost an additional $5 million a year to have all the UN proceedings printed in Chinese, a right on which the Nationalist Chinese did not insist.
6336 To Pronounce “Shibboleth”
A narrative in the twelfth chapter of Judges related how Jephthah, judge of Israel, found himself faced with an attack by the Ephraimites. After the Ephraimitish army had crossed the Jordan, Jephthah executed a flanking movement, getting a portion of his army between the Ephraimites and the Jordan. He thereby secured control of all the fords or, as the King James Version puts it, “the passes” of the Jordan. This was to cut off the retreat of the Ephraimites in the event that Jephthah and his men of Gilead were successful in the battle.
To distinguish friends from enemies, Jephthah chose “Shibboleth” as a password, knowing that the Ephraimites had difficulty with the “sh” sound and “could not frame to pronounce it right.”
The Ephraimites were defeated, and they came rushing pell-mell back to the Jordan in an effort to get to their own country. When they found Jephthah’s men in command of the passes, they denied that they were Ephraimites. But when they were confronted with the challenge, “Say now Shibboleth,” they said “Sibboleth.” That trifling defect proved them to be enemies. “And there fell at that time of the Ephraimites forty and two thousand.”
—Matthew Hill
6337 Lincoln’s Worse Horse Trading
Abraham Lincoln and a judge, an old friend of his, were joking about horse trading, when Lincoln said:
“Well, Judge, I’ll tell you what I’ll do. I’ll trade horses with you under these conditions. Neither of us will see the other’s horse until it is produced here in the courtyard of this hotel. If either backs out of the agreement, he forfeits twenty-five dollars to the other.”
It was agreed, and both left to find a horse for the trade. A crowd collected in the hotel courtyard to watch the fun. When the judge appeared a great laugh rose up at the dejected looking nag that he led. lt was a bag of bones and blind in both eyes. Then Lincoln appeared with a carpenter’s saw-horse on his shoulder. Sitting the saw-horse on the ground, he surveyed the judge’s horse.
“Well, Judge,” he said disgustedly, “this is the first time that I ever got the worst of it in a horse trade.”
6338 Epigram On Talking (Words)
• The most valuable of all talents is that of never using two words when one will do.
—Thomas Jefferson
MAKING SPEECHES
6339 Those First-Class Speeches
The Duke of Windsor tells about his first attempts at public speaking after he became the Prince of Wales:
“The more appearances I had to make, the more I came to respect the really first-class speech as one of the highest human accomplishments. No one I knew seemed to possess that rare and envied gift of speaking well in so high a degree as Mr. Winston Churchill, who was a sympathetic witness of some of my earliest attempts. “If you have an important point to make,” he advised, “don’t try to be subtle and clever about it. Use the pile driver. Hit the point once, and then come back and hit it again, and then hit it the third time, a tremendous whack!”
—Eleanor Doan
6340 Speaker’s Three Speeches
Most speakers have three speeches. The first is what he has written down, the second is what he actually delivers, and the third is what he wishes he had said after it is all over.
6341 Mark Twain Stands At Lecture
In the course of one of his lecture trips Mark Twain arrived at a small town. Before dinner, he went to a barber shop to be shaved.
“You are a stranger?” asked the barber.
“Yes,” Mark Twain replied. “This is the first time I’ve been here.”
“You chose a good time to come,” the barber continued. “Mark Twain is going to read and lecture tonight. You’ll go, I suppose?”
“Oh, I guess so.”
“Have you bought your ticket?”
“Not yet.”
“But everything is sold out. You’ll have to stand.”
“How very annoying!” Mark Twain said, with a sigh. “I never saw such luck! I always have to stand when that fellow lectures.”
6342 Lincoln Regrets Gettysburg Speech
When the National Cemetery at Gettysburg was dedicated, the chosen orator of the day was Edward Everett. He prepared an oration which was scholarly and eloquent enough to satisfy all the conventions of such an occasion. President Lincoln was deeply affected by it, and humbly expressed his own sense of unworthiness in the contrast which he felt his brief address offered to Everett’s eloquence. But we all know how needless were Lincoln’s regrets. His wonderful words have become one of the gems of permanent literature.
—W. S. Stranahan
6343 Why Little Girl Was Silent
When Lloyd George was a young lawyer in Wales, he one day gave a lift in his carriage to a little Welsh girl. He talked to her about various things but, try as he might, he could scarcely get a word out of her. Her vocabulary seemed limited to yes and no.
Some days later he met the little girl’s mother and she mentioned that her daughter had told her of riding with him. She went on to say that the little girl also said, “I couldn’t talk with Mr. George for I know that he charges a fee when you talk with him and I had no money.”
6344 Twain Got Up—For Waiter
Mark Twain was so often called upon to make impromptu speeches whenever he was invited out to dinner that he finally made it a stipulation of his acceptance that he would not be asked to speak.
Once, however, at a large but informal gathering, Mark rose from his chair near the end of dinner, the talk stopped and the other guests looked up expectantly and greeted him with loud applause.
“Waiter,” said Mark when all was quiet, “please bring me some bread.”
6345 Speech Orville Or Wilbur
A banquet honoring Orville and Wilbur Wright, the late aviation pioneers, called to mind an occasion when the two famed brothers were guests at a testimonial dinner for them. Both were extremely shy. The toastmaster called on Wilbur to make a speech. Wilbur rose to his feet only long enough to stammer: “There must be a mistake. I think you want my brother.” Wilbur quickly sat down and the toastmaster called upon Orville, who replied: “Wilbur just made the speech.”
6346 When Audience Stands For Speaker
Every time I see an audience stand when an after-dinner speaker is introduced, I’m reminded of a remark made by former Gov. Bert Combs of Kentucky when this happened at a banquet where he was to deliver the main talk.
“It makes me uneasy for people to stand when I’m introduced at a banquet,” he said. “I’m always afraid they’re going to walk out and leave me to do all the dishes.”
—Louisville Courier-Journal
6347 On Before-Dinner Speeches
Instead of having long stupefying speeches, how much better it would be, if we really wished to hear the senator, or the ambassador, or the captain of industry, if we could meet and hear him and, at the conclusion of the oratory, sit down together and enjoy a good dinner! We should all have a subject of conversation—and the speaker would not dare to talk indefinitely.
—Autobiography with Letters
6348 How To Secure Speakers
Talking to a publishing group in New York, Leo Lioni, of Fortune, presented nine techniques that have proved fatally effective in persuading people to speak at dinners:
(1) The “next Fall” technique; (2) the “importance” technique, implying that both invited speaker and occasion are important; (3) the “all-expenses-paid-plus-seventy-five-dollars” lure; (4) the “keynote” technique; (5) the long-distance call; (6) the “intimate friend” technique; (7) the “no-one-else-can-do-it” technique; (8) “the whole-committee-voted-for-you” technique; (9) the “Chicago technique.”
—Maxwell Droke
6349 Epigram On Talking (Speech)
• When both the speaker and the audience are confused, a speech is profound.
BREVITY IN SPEECH
6350 One-Foot Speeches
A South African tribe has such a dislike of long speeches that speakers are limited to what they can say while standing on one foot. As long as he can balance himself, a speaker can talk to his heart’s content, but the minute his upraised foot touches the ground, his speech is over.
—The Safer Way
6351 The Prince Cuts It Short
When opening a new hotel at Schiphol Airport, outside Amsterdam, Prince Bernhard of the Netherlands won resounding applause for his speech, which followed after others had spoken for 40 minutes. He simply said, “After such eloquence, I’m speechless,” and promptly cut the tape.
6352 Caesar’s Three Words
In just three famous words, “Veni, vidi, vici,” or, “I came, I saw, I conquered,” Julius Caesar described his triumph over King Pharnaces of the Bosporus in 47 B.C.
6353 When? Soon!
A business consultant of Louisville, Kentucky, has learned that brevity pays off. He was negotiating a sizable deal with a New York firm, but his repeated inquiries went unanswered.
In desperation, he sent off this note: “Dear sirs: When?”
In the next mail came this reply: “Dear Sir: Soon.”
6354 President’s Two Words
When President Coolidge was president, his fame as a man of few words had spread far and wide, even to a dinner party in a New England town to which he was invited. At the party, two women made a bet. When Mr. Coolidge was seated, one of the women stepped up to him and confessed that she had put up $5 as a wager that she could make the President say at least three words in the first five minutes.
Mr. Coolidge turned to the woman, gave her a gracious smile, and said, “You lose.”
6355 Coolidge’s Cabled Message
During President Coolidge’s term of office, a group of Amherst graduates, resident in Europe, asked him, as their most distinguished classmate, to send a cable message collect to be read at their class reunion in Madrid.
So during the reunion a banquet was held at which the Master of Ceremonies rose to announce that a cable had been received from the President of the United States. The applause was deafening, the guests pushed back their chairs and turned to the speaker’s table expectantly. The Master of Ceremonies unfolded the cablegram and read the message:
“Greetings. Calvin Coolidge.”
6356 Spartan’s Laconic Reply
The Spartans were noted for their brusque and sententious speech. When Philip of Macedon wrote to the Spartan magistrates, “If I enter Laconia, I will level Lacedaemon to the ground,” the ephors wrote back the single word, “If.”
6357 Spartan’s Generous Response
Once a neighboring island in the Aegean Sea was struck by a famine and the population sent an envoy to Sparta to ask for help. He made a long speech describing the distress of the islanders but the Spartans sent him back empty-handed and told him:
“We have forgotten the beginning of your speech and we understood nothing at the finish.”
The famine-stricken population sent another envoy to Sparta urging him to be as concise as possible in his request. He took a lot of empty flour bags with him and opening one for the Assembly of Sparta, he said: “It is empty. Please fill it.” Which the Spartans immediately did and they filled the other bags as well, but before he left the chairman of the assembly told him: “You need not have pointed out to us that your bags were empty. We would have seen it, anyway. It was not necessary to ask us to fill them. We would have done so, anyway. Remember, if you come another time do not talk so much.”
6358 Abernathy Meets His Match
Dr. Abernathy, the famous Scottish surgeon, was a man of few words, but he once met his match in a woman. She called at his office in Edinburgh one day and showed a hand, badly inflamed and swollen. The following dialogue, opened by the doctor, took place:
“Burn?”
“Bruise.”
“Poultice.”
The next day the woman called again, and the dialogue was as follows:
“Better?”
“Worse.”
“More poultice.”
Two days later the woman made another call, and this conversation ensued:
“Better?”
“Well. Fee?”
“Nothing,” exclaimed the doctor. “Most sensible woman I ever met!”
6359 Wellington Got His Answer
The Duke of Wellington wrote to Dr. Hutton for information as to the scientific acquirements of a young officer who had been under his instructions. The Doctor thought he could not do less than answer the question verbally, and made an appointment accordingly. When Wellington saw him he said, “I am obliged to you, Doctor, for the trouble you have taken. Is ___ fit for the post?”
Clearing his throat, Dr. Hutton began, “No man more so; I can … ” “That’s quite sufficient,” said Wellington. “I know how valuable your time is; mine just now, is equally so. I will not detain you any longer. Good morning.”
6360 How To Lose A Speech
Chauncey Depew, the renowned after-dinner speaker, once played a trick on Mark Twain when they were both scheduled to speak at a banquet. Twain spoke first and was received with great enthusiasm.
When Depew’s turn came, he stood up and said, “Mr. Toastmaster, Ladies and Gentlemen, before this dinner, Mark Twain and I agreed to trade speeches. He has just delivered mine and I’m grateful for the way you have received it. However, I regret to say that I’ve lost his speech and can’t remember a thing he had to say.”
He sat down amid much applause.
6361 To Remember When He Started
At a banquet Alben Barkley once took out his large, gold watch and placed it with elaborate gestures upon the lectern. “By looking at this,” he explained, “I can tell how long I have been talking—if I can remember when I started.”
6362 A Calendar Behind
At a dinner in New York, Will Rogers, the humorist, was toastmaster. Many speakers were scheduled and so each agreed to speak only 8 minutes. One speaker went on and on for 45 minutes before he wound up with “Mr. Toastmaster, I’m sorry if I overstayed my time, but I left my watch at home.”
Will Rogers hunched forward, furrowed his brow, and said, friendly-like, “There was a calendar behind you.”
6363 Waiting For Posterity
On one occasion, a dull and long-winded member of Congress said to Henry Clay, “You, sir, speak for the present generation, but I speak for posterity.” To which Clay responded, “And it seems that you are resolved to keep on speaking until your audience arrives.”
6364 Who Gets Tired First?
James Whitcomb Riley, the Hoosier poet, and a fellow writer were discussing their platform experiences.
The other fellow confessed that his engagement had not been too successful. He asked Riley, who had several times been present on these occasions, to point out the trouble. “Why are you such a success,” he concluded, “while my talks fall flat?”
“Well,” said Jim, “I’ll tell you the big reason, as I see it: I talk until I get tired—you talk until the audience gets tired.”
6365 Making The Rounds Of Texas
One of President Johnson’s favorite stories is about the late Senator Tom Connally of Texas. As the President tells it, Connally, in a speech “down home,” started talking about the beautiful, piney woods of east Texas, moved on through the bluebonnets and out to the plains, then through the hill country to the Gulf, and started again on the piney woods of east Texas.
While he was thus making the rounds of the state for about the third time, an old man stood up in the back of the room and shouted to Connally, “When you pass Lubbock the next time, will you kindly let me off?”
6366 Hogging The Time
Martin Littleton, the attorney, was the second of two scheduled speakers at a barristers’ banquet not so long ago. The first guest orated at such length that everybody was ready to go home by the time Littleton, justifiably enraged, got the floor. “I’ll confine my remarks to a single story,” he declared. “One day when I was a boy, my father was throwing whole carrots to his hogs by the barrelful. A neighbor criticized this procedure. “Don’t give ’em whole carrots, you fool,” he said. “If you’d cut them up and cook them, the hogs could digest them in half the time.” My father’s simple retort was, “What’s time to a hog?””
Mr. Littleton believes that his fellow speaker got the point.
6367 Limiting Humphrey
When Sen. Hubert Humphrey was asked to limit a commencement speech to 12 minutes, he said, “The last time I spoke for only 12 minutes was when I said hello to my mother.”
6368 Inversed Preparation Time
Someone asked Woodrow Wilson how long he would prepare for a ten-minute speech. He said, “Two weeks.” “How long for an hour’s speech?” “One week.” “How long for a two-hour speech?” “I am ready now.”
6369 Cock Or Frog
Tzu-Ch’in asked Mecius, “Is it because of quantity that words become precious?”
Mencius said, “Frogs croak day and night, yet men loathe them. But when the cock crows only once, everything under the sky comes into motion. It is important to speak at the proper time, and that is all. What is the good of talking much?”
—Mencius
6370 On The Hippopotamus
A woman visitor to the Zoo had been unable to get any intelligent replies from the new keeper. Finally she ventured one more question. “Is that hippopotamus,” she asked, “a female?” “That, madam,” replied the keeper, “is a question which should interest only another hippopotamus.”
6371 Epigram On Talking (Brevity)
• A speech is like a wheel—the longer the spoke, the greater the tire.
—Telegram
• When speaking, do not confuse the seating capacity of the hall with the sitting capacity of the audience.
—Noel Wical
• A sign on the speaker’s table read, Stand up—Speak up—Shut up!
See also: Rumors ; Talkativeness ; Jas. 3:6, 8; Rev. 13:5, 11.