They did eat, they drank, they married wives, they were given in marriage, until the day that Noe entered into the ark, and the flood came, and destroyed them all.
—Luke 17:27
2316 What Average Housewife Does
It was brought out at a recent Northwestern University psychology class that during an average housewife’s lifetime she performs these tasks: Cooks 35,000 meals, makes from 10,000 to 40,000 beds, vacuums a rug a mile long and a tenth of a mile wide and cleans 7,000 plumbing fixtures.
—Indianapolis News
2317 Paying Wife $3.40 Per Hour
At the annual meeting of the Vanier Institute of the Family held in Winnipeg, proposals were outlined which would provide the homemaker with a salary. Dr. David Ross of the Canadian Council on Social Development said during a panel discussion that a “dad-to-mom” type of transfer is feasible if taxpayers are willing to forgo personnel exemptions. Dr. Ross proposed paying housewives one of three salaries: $100 a month, $1.90 an hour, or $3.40 an hour.
The $100-a-month salary—which would cost the federal government $2.6 billion in lost taxes—would be financed without a tax increase if all personal exemptions were eliminated, Dr. Ross said.
—Prairie Overcomer
2318 Who Is Worth More?
Economists from the Chase Manhattan Bank have attempted to settle the argument about who is worth more around the house, the husband or the wife.
The economists estimate that the typical American housewife spends 99.6 hours each week in work around the house. Labor value is based on the going rate for services performed.
The bank concludes that a wife is worth $159.34 per week or $8,285.68 a year. This is what it would cost the husband to hire special workers to perform the services to the home.
The American husband’s wages in house work, if paid, would total only $51.01 per week, less than one-third the wages of his wife. This is for such duties as garbage man, lawn mower, night watchman, accountant, fashion consultant, youth counselor, etc.
2319 Wives Outlive Husbands
In most families the wife outlives her husband. Widows today outnumber widowers almost four-to-one in this country. The chances are almost three-in-five that the wife will survive her husband when both are the same age.
When the husband is five years older, the chances are seven- in-ten that this wife will outlive him; and when he is ten years older, the chances rise to eight-in-ten. Only when the husband is around four years younger than his wife are the chances of survival about the same for both.
THE HUSBAND
2320 He Tried To Create Perfect Wife
This information comes, as you might expect, from a divorce court. The would-be creator of the ideal mate was a psychologist and psychoanalyst. He was fifty-two, thirty years older than the wife whom he sought to endow with all perfections for matrimony.
In a Los Angeles court it was told how the psychologist, Doctor Negri, molded the young woman’s mind and guided her thoughts, to make her the perfect wife. Then he married her—and once the wedding ring got on the finger the psychoanalysis didn’t seem to work so well. The scientific doctor stated that the perfect wife refused to wash the dishes. She would not sweep the house. Often the doctor had to take care of the baby. The wife charged that the psychoanalyzing doctor was not so perfect as a husband. She declared that although he made ten thousand dollars a year, he gave her only twenty-five cents a day for spending money.
That was what happened to the marriage of the psychoanalyzing psychologist and the perfect wife that he created. The doctor explained the reason. He said that when he started out on the miracle he made just one mistake—he forgot to psychoanalyze himself.
—Lowell Thomas
2321 Forgot He Was Married
Recently I read about a young husband who forgot he was married. According to the newspaper account, his bride became very upset and burned their dinner the night after their honeymoon. Her first flop was understandable, however, because her mate was three hours late in getting home from the office. He had absent-mindedly failed to recall that he was married and had gone to his mother’s suburban house instead.
—M. R. De Haan II
2322 Plato, Aristotle, And Socrates
George Schermann of Jamaica, Long Island, had a commendable love for the loftier branches of learning. But he got married to a seventeen-year-old bride. Schermann demanded of his wife that she study thoroughly Plato, Aristotle and Socrates, making her stop reading magazines and current literature. And as for the funnies, absolutely no! Nothing but Aristotle, Plato and Socrates.
When she found these philosophers “uninteresting and difficult,” he got mad. The wife sued for divorce to break the bonds of matrimony with her husband—and with Plato, Aristotle and Socrates.
2323 Never Again At Age 71
A man appealed to the Detroit police to help him find his wife. His wife had left him. But why? The reason came out in his promise to the wife which he asked police to relay. “Tell her I won’t do it again,” he promised. “I’ll admit I was making eyes at the lady next door. But I promise I won’t do it again. I won’t even glance at that lady next door.”
One more detail: husband and wife were of the same age—age 71.
2324 “I Was Her Pumpkin Pie”
Before I married Maggie dear,
I was her pumpkin pie,
Her precious peach and honey boy,
The apple of her eye.
But after years of married life
This thought I pause to utter:
Those fancy names are now all gone,
I’m just her bread and butter.
—The Bible Friend
2325 He Wanted Seamen’s Papers Only
In Pensacola, Florida, a seaman reported to the Highway Patrol office that he and his wife hitched a ride with a truck driver at Wauchula. The seaman said he went into a package store. When he returned, the driver and truck were gone. Also his wife and suitcase.
“I don’t care about my wife,” Patrol Radio Operator John Combs quoted him as saying, “but I do want my seaman’s papers back.”
2326 Husband Up The Tree
An angry woman wrote to a columnist complaining that her husband was living in a treehouse. The husband had built the treehouse and moved into it to get away from his wife’s nagging. The wife complained that the treehouse was out from where passers-by could see her husband, and that it had become an embarrassment to her. While she sat behind closed doors, her husband would swing in a hammock on his porch, gaily chatting with curiosity seekers.
The columnist advised the wife to quit nagging or continue to put up with her husband’s antics.
2327 Limiting Love For Wife
A young man once went to see Dr. Harry Ironside to confess a fault. “I’m loving my wife too much!” he told the well-known Bible teacher. “In fact, I ve put her on such a high plane, I fear it’s sinful.” “Do you think you love your wife more than Christ loved the Church?” inquired Ironside. The husband didn’t dare say he did. “Well, that’s the limit to which we may go,” he continued (Ephesians 5:25).
—H. G. Bosch
2328 Proposing Every Day
In France, the Count of Chabrol, Jean Camille, is reported to have proposed to his wife every day of their wedded life for life. This he did on bended knee. Totally, he repeated the same lines almost 23,000 times. And he stuttered to the last day.
—Selected
2329 “I’ll Stay With You”
William and Mary Tanner were crossing a railroad track some years ago when Mary’s foot slipped and became wedged between the rail and a wooden crosswalk. Frantically she tried to get loose as a train approached around the curve. Her husband attempted to free her. As the express came closer with its brakes screeching, Mary realized it couldn’t stop in time. “Leave me, Bill! Leave me!” she cried. Seeing his efforts were useless, he arose quickly and held her in his arms to protect her as much as possible. While bystanders shuddered in horror, the train thundered over them. It was reported that just before the engine hit them, they heard the brave man cry, “I’ll stay with you, Mary!”
—Our Daily Bread
2330 Giving Her Right Hand
During the Crusades, a knight was taken captive by the Moslem Saladin. The knight begged for his life, claiming that he had a wife in England who loved him dearly. Saladin commented that she would soon forget him and marry another. On second thought, the cruel chieftain offered to set the man free if the lady in question would send her right hand as token of her love for this captive.
When word was sent to this lady in England, she immediately cut off her right hand and sent it to Saladin. The man was forthwith returned to England.
There is a statue of this faithful woman in one of the old cathedrals of England. She is attractive, but the statue shows her without the right hand.
2331 Pagoda With Smallpox Face
In Burma, the temple of Amarapura, was built in imitation of a woman whose face was pitted by smallpox. This most touching memorial of affection was constructed by King Bodawpaya in 1783 as a means of aiding in the recovery of a royal concubine stricken with the dread disease. At the King’s behest, holes were drilled in the surface of the pagoda and a statue of Buddha was placed in each opening. It was the King’s way of proclaiming publicly that the favorite’s disfigurement had in no way diminished the deep and abiding affection he bore her.
—Robert Ripley
2332 Blissful Nights Over Beethoven’s
For our ninth wedding anniversary I sent my wife flowers and dictated to the florist what I wished to be on the accompanying card: “Our Ninth is better than Beethoven’s”—referring to the great Ninth Symphony.
The evening, my wife greeted me with a big welcome-home kiss and coyly asked if I wasn’t ashamed of the immodest sentiment on the card. “What will the florist think?” she asked. Puzzled, I checked the card. It read: “Our nights are better than Beethoven’s.”
—Reader’s Digest
THE WIFE
2333 Wife’s Imaginary List
At her Golden Wedding celebration, my grandmother told guests the secret of her happy marriage: “On my wedding day, I decided to make a list of ten of my husband’s faults which, for the sake of our marriage, I would overlook.”
As the guests were leaving, a young matron whose marriage had recently been in difficults asked by grandmother what some of the faults were that she had seen fit to overlook. Grandmother said, “To tell you the truth, my dear, I never did get around to listing them. But whenever my husband did something that made me hopping mad, I would say to myself, “Lucky for him that’s one of the ten!””
—Selected
2334 Nagging Sometimes Helps
London (UPI)—Barbara Peers nagged her boyfriend about getting married. She nagged about buying a house. She nagged about having a family. Doctors said her nag, nag, nagging paid off.
Logan, 25, was knocked unconscious in a 100-mile-an-hour motorcycle accident while practicing for the Isle of Man grand prix. “Without regaining consciousness David’s brain would deteriorate and he would become a vegetable,” she said.
After 17 days nonstop nag, he spoke.
2335 Cruel Wife
Horst Klein was an East German trapeze artist who made a great escape to West Berlin some eighteen months ago by crawling over on a high-tension line. But his wife lured him back to East Berlin, declaring that she could not go on living without him. As soon as Horst Klein got back to East Berlin, he was arrested and sentenced to two-and-a-half years at hard labour. But, worst of all, the wife, who lured him back to his captivity, dropped him, divorced him, and remarried.
2336 Wife Ignorant of Spouse’s Dumbness
Dr. Joe R. Brown of Rochester, Minn., tells of trying to get a physical history of a patient. The man’s wife answered every question the doctor asked. Finally, Dr. Brown requested that she leave the room, but after she left found that her husband couldn’t speak. Calling the wife back, Dr. Brown apologized for not realizing the man had aphasia—loss of speech—and couldn’t speak a word.
The wife was astonished. She didn’t know it either.
—Associated Press
2337 Choosing To Remain Widow
In February, 1958, the widow of Gen. Philip H. Sheridan died in Washington. But Gen. Sheridan died in 1888. From then until her own death his widow lived quietly in a house filled with memories and mementos of her famous husband. When it was suggested in 1908 that she remarry, she declared: “I would rather be the widow of Phil Sheridan than the wife of any living man.”
—Robert G. Lee
2338 The 50-Year Light
At a seaport in Maine, a young woman promised her sailor-lover one night that she would keep a light burning in her window every night until he returned. He sailed next day, and his vessel was never heard of afterwards; yet she kept the light burning in her window for 50 years until her death.
—W. F. Allan
2339 A Penelope
A Penelope is a wife who remains faithful to her husband. Penelope was the wife of Ulysses. During his absence she was importuned by suitors, but postponed her decision until she had finished weaving a funeral pall for her father-in-law. Every night she unraveled what she had woven by day, and so postponed making any choice until Ulysses returned, when the unwelcome suitors were driven away.
2340 The Word “Sweetheart”
Margaret was the widow of the powerful Scot Baliol of Norway. She carried her husband’s embalmed heart in an ivory box for twenty-one years, calling it her “sweet heart and silent companion.”
When dying, she asked “that the heart be laid upon her breast, so that two hearts united may spend all eternity together.” This inspired the first usage of the term “sweetheart.”
2341 Close To His Heart
Probably no widow was ever closer to her husband’s heart than Marguerite Therese of France. Her husband was killed in battle in 1675. The widow survived for 29 years, and this was what she did. She kept her husband’s heart in a glass case on a table in her castle—and spent 7 hours every day sitting and gazing in concentration at the heart. She died in 1704.
2342 “It Was An Accident”
One night a woman was brought into the hospital in London on a stretcher dying of terrible burns. The history showed that her husband had come home drunk and thrown the paraffin lamp over her. The police, the husband, and magistrate were immediately sent for.
I can still see that miserable creature standing at the foot of the bed between the policeman, watching every moment of his dying wife. I can see today the magistrate stooping over the bed warning her that she had but a few minutes to live and that within an hour she would be standing before her Maker. He kept imploring her to tell the truth, as he took down her dying statement.
At last her eyes were raised to the face of the man, the father of her children, the man who had sworn so shortly before to love and protect her “until death do us part.” Here he was now, her murderer.
The silence at her bedside, as we waited for her reply, could be felt. As her eyes fell upon the familiar features, I can only suppose she saw him as once he had been, before drink claimed him as another victim. For a new light came into them, and she passed out with a lie on her lips to save him. “My God! It was an accident,” was the last thing she said.
How I loathed the man! I longed to fell him where he stood; yet it was the intoxicant that did it.
—Selected
WHEN HUSBAND AND WIFE QUARREL
2343 Newlyweds’ First Quarrel
Orchardson has a characteristically executed picture in the Tate Gallery entitled “The First Cloud.” A couple, but recently married, have had their first quarrel. The room is richly furnished, with polished floor, and all the marks of refinement and wealth, but these cannot keep out the evil passions which arise in hearts hidden behind silks and immaculate evening dress.
As a result of their difference, the lady walks haughtily out of the beautiful drawing room with head thrown back, and eyes, no doubt, if we could see them, blazing; while he stands moodily on the rug with his back to the fire, his hands in his pockets, his head held forward with a certain dogged obstinacy which does not bode well for their future happiness. They are in need of some kind friend to say to them: “Let not the sun go down upon your wrath.”
—James Burns
2344 “Details” Caused Eleven Years Wait
It happened in the city of Detroit, Michigan. After applying for a marriage license, a man failed to reappear at the country clerk’s office until 11 years later to claim the important document. When asked why he and his fiancee had waited so long to get married he explained, “We had a few disagreement about details.”
—Paul R. Van Gorder
2345 Their Only Dispute
Bowling Green, Kentucky (UPI)—Two octogenarians who renewed a youthful romance 68 years later can’t agree on what to name their first child.
Arthur Fortner, 88, and Letha McReynolds, 82, in 1974 renewed the courtship he broke off 68 years ago because he wanted to see the world. They were married Sept. 3. Fortner says the only dispute they’ve had is over what to name their first child.
2346 Talking Herself Out
Chauncey M. Depew had an old friend at Peekskill who, after courting the same woman for twenty years, married her.
“Josephus,” said Chauncey, “why did you not marry that splendid woman long before now; why did you wait all these years?”
“Chauncey,” explained the other, “I waited until she talked herself out. You see, I wanted a quiet married life.”
—Maxwell Droke
2347 Hubby Had Wet Foot
Los Angeles (UPI)—Mrs. Nakato Tomita got out of her car sputtering with anger when another motorist ran through a stop signal and crashed into it.
The other driver explained that he had been watering a lawn and that his wet foot slipped from the brake onto the gas pedal.
Mrs. Tomita had little choice but to accept the story. The other driver was her husband, James Tomita.
2348 Car Crash In The Family
Pipestone, Minnesota (UPI)—Jake Vanderpoel, 42, was killed in a head-on collision with a car driven by his wife, police said.
Officers said cars driven by Mr. and Mrs. Vanderpoel collided on a dark rural road northeast of here. His wife and 10-year-old son, Greg, who was in her car, were hospitalized.
2349 Here Comes The Bride
Rotterdam, New York (UPI)—A young bride who got into an argument with her husband of a few hours ran him down with a car and killed him on the way home from the wedding reception, authorities said.
The country district attorney said 21-year-old Joan Kenison drove over her 23-year-old husband, Lewis, after the couple argued on their way from the cocktail lounge where the reception was held.
2350 Wife Burns All His Notes
In the reign of Queen Elizabeth, Dr. Thomas Cooper edited a learned dictionary with the addition of thirty-three thousand words, and many other improvements. He had already been eight years in collecting materials for his edition, when his wife, who was a worthless and malignant woman, going one day into his library, burned every note he had prepared under the pretense of fearing that he would kill himself with study.
Shortly after the doctor came in, and seeing the destruction, he inquired who was the author of it. His wife boldly avowed that it was the work of her mischievous hands. The patient man heaved a deep sigh and said, “Oh Dinah, Dinah, thou hast given a world of trouble!”
Then he quietly sat down to another eight years of hard labor, to replace the notes which she had destroyed.
2351 Together In Jail
In the town of Treviso in Italy a man named Bastianetto was drinking red wine in a tavern. At Treviso, in the Venetian province, the wines are excellent, and Bastianetto drank well and deeply. He made such a rumpus that the carabinieri came, arrested him and took him before the judge.
Bastianetto, sobering up, was a badly worried man. “Please, judge,” he begged, “please do not sentence me to pay a fine. Instead, I implore you, send me to jail.” “Why?” demanded the judge. “My wife has a bad temper.” She was always raising Cain with him for drinking too deeply of the red wine. So he was afraid to go home. Instead of paying a fine and returning to his hot-tempered spouse, he’d rather go to jail.
The compassionate judge granted his request, and sentenced him to a few days in the local lockup. The police took Bastianetto to a cell, opened the door, and thrust him in. And what did he see? His wife!
She was there on a charge of intoxication. At home she had been drinking too well and deeply of the red wine, had raised a rumpus all over the place, znd had been put in the Treviso prison. So there were Signor and Signora Bastianetto serving their terms together in the same cell.
—Lowell Thomas
2352 For Satisfaction Only
An Edmonton man has been sentenced to serve a term in the penitentiary, not for capital murder, but for manslaughter. Even though he beat his wife till she died, it seems to have been an understood thing that by mutual consent each would beat up the other once a month “just for satisfaction.” But his turn to beat her proved fatal.
—Prairie Overcomer
2353 Wife Allows Beating
Edmonton, Alberta, Canada (AP)—A man told a provincial court it was okay for him to beat his wife with a belt because she had signed a written agreement to permit it.
The Court was told the woman’s arms and legs were tied and she was beaten with a belt, producing welts on her thighs.
The man produced a handwritten document which he said his wife had signed, giving him permission to strap her if she lost her senses.
Part of the agreement read: “. … If I go off the deep end getting mad and losing my senses, I allow him to give me a good strapping with his belt to make me come to my senses regardless of blue marks caused thereby.”
Provincial judge Ed Stack found the man guilty of assault but gave him a conditional discharge.
2354 “Silver Threads” Snapped
There is a pathetic story told about the Danks family: the family who gave to the world the old song, “Silver Threads among the Gold.”
In 1874, Mr. and Mrs. Danks, with their little brood of children, were a most happy and devoted couple. Both were in their early thirties. Mr. Danks was a song writer of growing reputation. The couple had beautiful dreams of going down life’s pathway and growing old together. In the atmosphere of this joyous anticipation the song was born. The song became universally popular. Mr. Danks dedicated it to his wife.
But the bitter irony of the matter is the fact that marital discord came into the Dank’s household. Separation followed! Mr. Danks died in 1903. He was found dead, kneeling beside his bed. On an old copy of the famous song he had written these words: “It’s hard to grow old alone!”
—Al Bryant
2355 Cancel The Wreath!
For 25 years Helga Scoorlum of Copenhagen, Denmark, has suggested to her husband Otto that he bring her flowers on their wedding anniversary. For 24 years Otto has brought her nothing. This year Mrs. Scoorlum arranged for a florist to send hubby a wreath spelling out the Danish equivalent of “Drop Dead!” “Just before it was to be delivered, Otto came home with a glorious bouquet for me,” said Mrs. Scoorlum. “I barely had time to cancel the wreath.”
2356 Epigram On Husband & Wife
• An ideal wife is one who remains faithful to you but tries to be just as charming as if she weren’t.
—Bill Ballance
• Try praising your wife, even if it frightens her at first.
—Billy Sunday
• On the Dedication Pages of a witty book are these words:
“This book is dedicated to my wife,
without whose help in proofreading
it … (next page) … it would have
come out much earlier.”
• Sign in wallpaper and paint store: “Husbands choosing colors must have note from wives.”
• I’m sure my wife is an angel,” said the prominent layman, “she’s always up in the air; she’s usually harping on something; and she never has anything to wear.”
—Paul E. Holdcraft
• When a wife sins the husband is never innocent.
—Italian Proverb
• Men marry because they are tired,
Women because they are curious:
Both are disappointed.
—Oscar Wilde
See also: Father ; Marriages ; Mother ; Women’s Lib ; Matt. 24:38.